


Love (After)

by Nadiahilkerfan



Series: Before and After [2]
Category: New Mutants (Comics), The New Mutants (2020)
Genre: Abuse, Age Regression/De-Aging, Also LOCKHEED, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Give Illyana a damn hug, Heavy Angst, Illyana Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Angst, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Sexual Abuse, This is the long awaited part two, Verbal Abuse, have fun, i put in extra angst just for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadiahilkerfan/pseuds/Nadiahilkerfan
Summary: In which, The five mutants are all alone, with no money to their name or place to call home. Their only friend was the man in the moon, and even some times he would go away too.Then one night, as Dani closed her eyes, Illyana saw a shadow creeping by. They came to her with the evilest smile, told her they would like to talk for awhile.Or,Their own their own and Dani realizes their is still so much more trauma and angst Illyana has to face. And let the Cheyenne’s be her witness, she would be their for her the entire time.She just hoped that this wouldn’t cause Illy to push her away.
Relationships: Danielle Moonstar/Illyana Rasputin, Danielle Moonstar/Rahne Sinclair, One Sided - Relationship, Roberto da Costa/Illyana Rasputin
Series: Before and After [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043802
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	Love (After)

**Author's Note:**

> HERE IT IS GUYS!
> 
> THE SEQUEL!
> 
> Damn did this take forever 
> 
> Sorry 😅, I tried my best on this. I gave it extra illyana angst just how you like it!
> 
> Also bonus points if you know what Song I referenced a lot in the summery!!!!

Five lone mutants walked on a vacant road.

And although they might have felt isolated, they didn’t feel alone. 

For they had each other.

Or at least that’s what Dani felt.

She hoped everyone felt the same.

She smiled when she tuned in to the sway of her arm. Her hand feeling warm against Illyanas icy one.

The two of them were something, they didn’t really know what, but they were something.

It made her happy. Not cause of the unknown, but solely because Illyana trusted her enough to be her ‘something’

It made her happy.

It made her smile.

“Ugh, guys, can we take a break. We’ve been walking for like hours!” Roberto groaned from behind, his body slouching as he dragged his feet.

Illyana scoffed, “Stop whining and toughen up berto, we’ve only been walking for like an hour or two.”

“Well easy for you to say,” he shot back, “you could just go an teleport wherever you want in seconds!”

“And leave all of you to wander around and die?! Don’t tempt me!” She growled.

Dani gently squeezed the blondes hand, trying to send soothing vibes in their touch.

She couldn’t know for sure if it helped, but the Russian did quiet after a a few moments. Which she took as a good sign.

“Do we have any idea where we’re going?” Rahne questioned.

For a while, no one answered. 

“20 miles.” Illyana quipped.

After that, no one talked for a while.

——————————————————————

Rather then take a break, the majority decided to keep walking, albeit at a slower pace. So they could conserve energy while still making distance.

No one completely knew when they’d make it another mile, but Reberto, who frequently ran and worked out, would say whenever he thought they’d walked an adequate distance.

Their wasn’t any signs, which was both odd and disheartening. So their couldn’t even check those for directions.

It was basically just blindly follow the deserted path. And hope it leads them to civilization 

Dani could feel Illyana growing tense. As Nightfall slowly crept forward. 

She squeezed her hand again, feeling confused when the blonde wrenched it away.

Did she do something wrong? Did she not like when she did that?

She wanted to know the answers to these things, but also knew Illyana more then most.

If she even asked, the Blonde would most likely explode, her normal anxiety and trauma paired up with hunger and exhaustion was just a bear waiting to be poked.

Dani gulped awkwardly, 

bad choice of words.

After a while of mulling it over, she deduced that maybe the blonde thought she was coddling her, that the hand squeezes were a form of pacifying pity.

She wanted to deny this, but even saying it might set her off. 

It would just be worse if she was wrong.

“Oof!” Dani grunted, as she came to a clumsy halt once realizing the blonde abruptly stopped.

The rest slowly came to a lull, looking at her through a mixture of curiosity and exhaustion.

Illyana was looking straight up, the sky a royal blue from the fading light of the sun.

Roberto took a step forward, “Uh Illy-“

“-We stop here.” She interrupted. Dropping to the floor out of nowhere.  
placing her bag as a pillow and tucking Lockheed under her chin.

The rest kinda just stared awkwardly until she finally looked back.

“Come on,” she motioned, “Berto make fire. Then everyone fall asleep.” 

The blonde gave them a glare as if this was obvious, and they all slowly moved into action, Rahne gathering twigs while Roberto warmed up his hands.

Dani glanced at Illyana nervously, not sure if she would allow her to sleep anywhere near her or not.

To be safe, she laid down about 15 feet away, but still close enough to the fire to stay warm.

After a few moments, the lack of response got to her, so she made to move even farther.

“Your ok their.” Illyanas voice rang out. 

But when Dani looked over, she looked fast asleep. Lockheed snuggled in and thumb resting on her lips.

She shook her head, wondering if she was just hearing things from exhaustion, but in the end. Decided to stay where she was.

She fell asleep to the sound of Roberto snoring and finding the constellations in the night sky.

—————————————————————— 

Considering they didn’t eat dinner before they fell asleep, everyone woke up hungry.

Luckily, Roberto had thought to pack food, and unpacked an assorted amount of Canned things.

Rahne quickly waved them off, saying she could hunt for things in her wolf form.

No one tried to argue, and soon she was off, howls in the distance.

They’d wait for her to return, of course, before leaving. It was a rule they all agreed on.

If one person either wandered away accidentally or just left for a short period of time, they’d wait for them to come back. 

They were in this together now. They were all each other had.

Dani suspected Illyana was secretly grateful for this rule. As it meant she was free to go to Limbo whenever she needed. Their was no restrictions, and would no longer feel like living in a cage.

Speaking of limbo, the Russian looked liked she wanted to go their.  
Her eyes were darting around, and she couldn’t stop fidgeting with Lockheed.

Dani couldn’t understand why she didn’t just go their,  
she’d done it plenty before.

Until it hit her, 

Illyana wasn’t one for trust. And even though they said they were her friends, she didn’t want to take the chance they’d abandoned her as soon as she left.

When the attention wasn’t on the pair, Dani discreetly leaned in.

“You can go ya know?” She stated softly, “I promise we will be here when you get back.”

Illyana stared at her, her eyes wide and filled with uncertainty.

Dani knew she’d have to do something drastic to show she was telling the truth. So with absolutely no hesitation, she unclamped the bear necklace from around her neck and held it out.

The blonde was visibly shocked.

“It’s for you to take with you,” Dani explained, “So you know I’ll be here to return it too.”

Illyana sputtered, her pale cheeks turning red, “B-but, that means the world to you!”

Dani looked down, eyes rising after a moment to stare bashfully into the laters.

“So do you.”

This left the mutant speechless,  
jaw-dropped and wide-eyed. 

Immediately, Dani realized how brunt and direct that was. Horror washing over at the lack of response.

Holy crap, Dani! You might as well had said ‘Marry Me!’ Or something.

Oh GOSH. When did that even get in her mind?!?

Ok, FOCUS!  
Probably traumatized girl in front of you! Say something Dani! Say anything!  
Your waiting to long!  
You probably ruined everything!  
Why aren’t you saying anything you stupid idiot!

“I-“

*szhooom!*

Waiting for the blast of wind to die down, Dani already knew Illyana had teleported to Limbo.

She closed her hand into a fist, feeling ashamed and rejected. Only to open it in surprise when it felt empty.

Wow.

This time Dani remained speechless, a goofy little smile appearing at seeing that, Yes. Illyana had taken the necklace.

She looked back up at where the portal had been. A sense of triumph and warmth filling her.

Cause, she knew Illyana trusted her.

Well, at least enough that she wouldn’t abandoned her most prized possession, just to leave her in the dust.

It was small,

But baby steps was still movement.

Her smile widened,

Dani was just happy to be apart of the ride.

——————————————————————

“Hey.”

Dani looked upward from where she sat, the image of Sam much friendlier then the canned food in her lap.

She raised an eyebrow in question, 

“Um, what were you and Illyana talking about?” He questioned, albeit a bit uncomfortably.

“Why do you need to know?” She rebutted, not quite accusatory, but curious.

He faltered, rolling the smooth piece of coal between his palms.

“Well, it’s just,” Sam fumbled, before taking a slow breath, and looking back up. Steel in his eyes, “It’s just I’ve come t’ care about Illy, wether it be as friendly, or brotherly as you take it. An’ she looked kinda shocked over er’. “

Dani nodded, a warm smile spreading across her lips.

“I’m glad you care.” She spoke honestly, “she needs more people like that. Who care.”

The girl leaned forward though, “but I need you to trust me. Just like I got her too. I know how her brain works, at least a bit better then most. And I know the summative of things she likes and doesn’t. I didn’t learn them all just to insult her.”

“An why would yer do that, learn all those things?” 

Dani blushed, looking at her lap. Not able to meet his eyes.

Sam watched her with a scrutinizing gaze, until realization flashed through him.

“Oh I get it,” he commented, “Yer like her.”

A beat passed, but no one said anything. And Dani did not deny a words he spoke.

“If you hurt her,” Sam started, before shaking his head,” Naw, more like, ya hurt her, and I vote yer banned from the group.”

Her lips spread in a inaudible gasp.

The dirty blonde shook his head, but his cold stare remained.

“She..., she’s already been through so much, to much. Yuh weren’ their when those things appeared. Yuh didn’t see her as a kid.” 

“I did, actually, see her as kid.” Dani pipped up meekly, instantly quieting at his glare.

“I’m just saying Dani, she’s been through too much, she wouldn’t take hurt from you well. She wouldn’t take anything well. A person can only have so much hurt. Illy already has it all with plenty to spare. You add on to it...” he trailed off. He looked a bit apologetic afterwards.

“No, I get it,” she agreed,” and Sam you just gotta trust me. I give you my word. That I will not hurt her. I repeat. I will, as long as I live, with all my effort, try my 100% best never to hurt her, and then I add on a few more % because I’m that sure.” 

His steely gaze filled with warmth, and then he was back to the Sam they all knew and loved.

“I’m glad.”

Their were no more words spoke, Sam wasn’t a man of many words. But Dani didn’t mind. In fact she was glad herself they had this talk. Cause now she knew someone else would be in Illyanas corner if she wasn’t able too.

It sparked her with some type of hope she didn’t fully understand. But like the feeling of.

She chuckled lightly, Kinda like Illyana.

——————————————————————

Illyana portaled back at around 2:00, Dani could tell because of the position of the sun, and where the shadows lay.

Call her cliche, but at she would gladly take some ‘indian’ joke over being timeless.

Though to be honest, the jokes had slowly simmered down to nothingness. Sure the Russian still aimed a few jabs here and their, but they lacked cruelty, and weren’t about her dad or heritage. Which she appreciated.

To her surprise, Illyana was positively exhausted. Body dropping, she swayed on her feet as she loosely grabbed her bag. Efficiently tucking Lockheed into her back pocket.

She must have gone on some cool adventure Dani could never even imagine.

“Dang girl, you look tired,” Roberto (nearly) catcalled, “You fighting some monster?”

She only had the energy to glare at him. Along with Dani; who proceeded to tell him ‘never mention monster in her presence again’ but with her eyes.

Letsgoo.” The blonde slurred slightly, wobbling a bit in her sturdy boots.

Dani was concerned, and ran to catch her as she tripped over her own feet.

“Hey, hey. theirs no way your walking right now.” She stated softly.

“And who are you to tell me what to do!” Illyana shot back.

Calm Dani,  
Illyana is always extra snarkish when she’s tired.

To be honest, she considered the question for a second. She still didn’t know what to call herself in reference to Illyana.

“A concerned person.” She eventually answered.

Illyana (surprisingly) seemed to accept that. Nodding quite a few times.

“Hey, wait,” Roberto protested,” it’s already late. We gotta keep moving!”

Rahne, who had long since gotten back from her hunt, said nothing. But it was obvious she wanted to keep moving as well.

Dani glared at them, adjusting her position protectively. So she was almost blocking the Russian from their sites.

“She’s exhausted. Let her sleep.” 

“Well,” the Brazilian boy hesitated, “We could scout ahead. Come back and report on what we saw?”

Anger welled in Dani’s chest, “I’d like to see you leave her,” She growled, “over my dead body.”

“Woah, woah, chill girl. No harm meant.” He back off immediately.

Rahne nodded empathetically, shuffling on her feet.

Dani turned back to the blonde and, with as much care she could manage, slowly peeled the bag of her shoulder and guided her to the ground.

“Hey wait!” Illyana mumbled.

“No, shh it’s ok. You can sleep.” She promised.

“No, Dani. Here.” 

And with that, Illyana thrusted her hand out, in it, lay Dani’s beloved necklace.

She took it back with nimble hands, noting its slightly wet appearance.

“Silly Lockheed, bumped into me. I dropped it. Fell into water. Didn’t see it happen. Many rivers. Fast current. Had to search half of limbo.” She explained.  
Her noticeably shortened sentences, a Russian trait, that only came in at rare occurrences.  
Mainly when she was literally seconds from sleeping.

Dani looked at her with wide eyes. This is what made the poor girl exhausted? Searching limbo for a necklace?!

“But why Illy,” she whispered, “Why wreck yourself for something this small.” Granted, She was insanely great full, and had no idea what she’d do if she truly lost it. But was still curious.

The blonde shrugged, “You love bear necklace. Trust me with it. Needed to get it back.”

Dani didn’t know what to say.  
She was rendered speechless. 

To think Illyana of all people went through all this trouble just for her. Just cause she wanted to believe in the trust that badly. It was astounding.

Before she could say anything; though, Illyana was fast asleep. Lockheed under her chin and other hand curled up as well.

Feeling overwhelmingly great full, Dani just leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the girls crown.

“Sleep well illy.”

——————————————————————

Although Dani wanted to let the blonde sleep as long as possible, It was nearing 3 o’clock. And Roberto & Rahne were starting to pace the grounds in agitation.

She hesitantly reached over, hand coming to a stop right about the blondes shoulder. Just hovering over.

She didn’t want to scare her. And knew sleeping was when she was at her most vulnerable. And vulnerability was held very sacred to Illyana, just how much she showed it to people.

It seemed every option she thought of would end in a terrifying awakening. Their was no peaceful way in Illyanas case.

Sam seemed to notice her plight, and walked over to her, giving a vague nod towards the sleeping girl.

“Try blow’n on her.”

“Excuse me?” 

He shrugged, “Seems the only way to wake her up without touching or causing a loud noise.”

Dani was about to argue, when she realized he was absolutely right.

“My god your a genius.”

“I am to please.”

And with that, he left. Leaving Dani alone with Illyana. 

She crouched to her knees, hovering back over the blonde. It may have felt strange, but a gust of wind to the face might just do the trick. 

As she blew, the Russians nose twitched adorably. And at the first sign of movement she backed away. 

“Oh your awake,” Dani offhanded casually, “I was just about to wake you.”

Illyana looked at her a bit suspiciously, but nodded anyways.

“How your feeling?” Dani questioned. 

“Don’t worry New girl,” the later smirked, “I’m as as up as your hairline.”

She laughed, giving a mock frown in return. The Cheyenne knew the girl was only kidding. As it lacked any form of anger or cruelty.

After a few seconds, Illyana was back on her feet, and they were ready to go.

Dani automatically fell into pace with the blonde, almost like it was a magnetic pull.

She didn’t exactly know what to do, but was pleasantly surprised when Illyana intwined their fingers.

In turn, she squeezed her hand gently, but enough so she could feel her excitement. 

She hoped the Russian didn’t pull away, and was once again surprise with the fact she didn’t.

In fact, she even felt the slightest of squeezes back!

So Dani was happy, a stark contrast to the other three, who understandably did not like their elongated walk.

“Like, how far along are we berto.” Rahne panted after a particularly steep section of trail.

The boy shook his head, “I don’t know, 13 miles?”

“You don’t know?,” she growled, “then why the hell are we walking.”

“I’m sorry if I can’t track how many miles we walk, you could probably be helping more as a wolf!”

“Hey! Guys. Calm down,” Dani pacified, “I know everyone’s tired and hot. Tempers are flaring. It’s only natural. But if we’re gonna make it to some sort of civilization, we need to be United, not divided.” 

“Yeah!” Illyana lamely added, “What New girl said.”

She gave her a playful flare, but in reality she was just glad she was supporting her.

“I’m sure we’ll see a sign soon, and then we can really assess any further plans. Ok?”

...

“Dani asked a question.” The Russian spoke threateningly.

Roberto and Rahne were quick to reply. Nodding their heads rapidly.

“Ok, good. Glad that’s over with! Let’s keep going!” She tried to muster as much cheer as she could. 

But it seemed only she was bit by the cheer bug right now. As they soon resumed their gloomy slouch.

Dani hoped for theirs and her sake, that they found something soon. It was hard to occupy your mind when all that surrounded you was trees, and a never ending road.

“Wait,” Illyana called out, “Why didn’t I think of this sooner?!”

“Think of what Ill?” 

The blonde got a wicked gleam in her eye.

Uh oh. Dani did not think she was going to like whatever was about to happen.

Illy offered no explanation, but did add that if needed, Dani should catch her.

Catch her??? Oh gosh what was she doing?

Illyana looked at everyone’s puzzled faces with glee, and Calmly took a step to the right. Shocking everyone when she fell through the floor.

Actually, she had just created a portal. But one that just barely skimmed the top of the road.

It closed behind her with a ‘whoosh’ leaving the tell tale gust of wind to mess up hair and clothes.

“Uh,” Sam spoke up, “Wher’ she go to?”

The million dollar question. Dani would love to know herself.

That was until they heard a yell.

Wait did that come from the-

“HOLY CRAP!” 

Dani could only watch in horror as the blonde fell from the FREAKING SKY!

The tiny black blob soon forming arms and legs, eventually turning into a rapidly approaching human.

“GET READY!” Illyana screamed.

Everyone started to freak, scrambling to drop their stuff and prepare their arms.

Halfway down her insanely high decent, Illyana portaled once again.

They were momentarily confused, until she reappeared a mere 15 FEET away from their heads.

Their was no time to react, Dani just launched herself, colliding with a body and holding on for dear life, curling herself so they rolled across the ground with the momentum.

Was she alive? 

She could feel her heartbeat. That was good.

She could feel all her limbs and digits. That was good.

Was the person in her arms alive????

Dani glanced down in a hurry, panic swelling through her once she saw Illyana laying their, her eyes closed.

“ILLY?!” She screamed, shaking her lightly.

The blondes eyes fluttered open slowly, a breathy ‘huh’ leaving her lips.

“Hey,” she spoke with her russian charm, “it actually worked.”

The girl then turned her head towards Dani, grinning wildly, “Thanks for catching me New girl! I was off by a few feet!”

Now Dani just had to make sure she wasn’t having a heart attack. She took slow breaths in and out, letting her pulse slow down and a wave of calm to tide over.

“ILLYANA RASPUTIN! NEVER FALL FROM THE SKY UNWARNINGLY EVER AGAIN! YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH!” 

And then she immediately broke that.

At least the Russian had the decency to look sheepish. Making little eye contact.

“Sorry, Dani.” 

She sighed loudly, taking a moment to bury her head in Illyanas shoulder, her silky blonde tresses touching her skin like little kisses

“Just don’t do that again.” She added a whiney ‘pleaseeee’ afterwards so it wouldn’t across as too harsh.

Illyana nodded, looking momentarily content laying on the ground in Dani’s arms. Completely ignoring the rest of the group watching them like awkward hawks.

Or in this case, Hawkardly.

Sure they 100% had a few scrapes and bruises, but overall, they’d be fine in 2 days.

The blonde started to snigger lightly, looking back at the later.

“Did you just catch a falling body from the sky for me?”

“Ughhhh,” Dani groaned, a flush ringing her cheeks, “your welcome too! Or were you fine turning up like something stuck to the bottom of Robertos shoe.”

The Pansexual smiled, Dani soon mimicking. And then it was just the two of them. In their own little bubble.

That was until illyana drastically paled.  
Jerking from Danis embrace with a squeak, scrambling to her feet. All while letting out a panicked “LOCKHEED?!”

She nearly tripped while standing up, but regained her balance almost instantly.

“Lockheed!” She yelled, “Where are you!” 

Dani got to her feet as well, and sure enough, Illyanas beloved puppet was not in her pocket.

“LOCKHEED?!” 

The girl was becoming more and more distraught. Looking everywhere she could.

In her decent it must have fallen out of her pocket.

Dani stopped to look at the remaining three, who just looked uncomfortable.

“What are you doing? LOOK?!” 

They immediately snapped into action. Although not as sufficiently, but it was the thought that counts.

She was trying the best she could, but was also half focusing on Illyana herself. Who looked well on the verge of a panic attack. 

The one hand was frozen against her mouth, her thumbnail being destroyed by sharp teeth. The other waving everywhere, as if she could make Lockheed appear worn a flick of her fingers.

Come on Dani! You gotta find him. You gotta help illy. You gotta help your girlfri—

-GAHHH! Why was she so bad at this????

She was looking through some nearby leaves, when a flash of purple caught her eyes.

THANK THE LEAF SPIRITS!

The girl all but dove to where the flash was seen, emerging from the leaf pile with one victorious arm. Lockheed gently clutched in her hand.

Illyana had grown catatonic, curled into a ball and rocking back in forth, in what Dani could only assume was a soothing position.

The sight painfully reminded her of just a few days ago, of the 2 times she’d ever seen the blonde separated from her beloved puppet.

All directly caused by her. 

Guilt ebbed away in her stomach, but she let it pass with calming thoughts.

Things were different now.

She was different now.

Dani decided to mimic how she returned it once before. Slowly walking over to the Russian in a non threatening manner.

She crouched down in front of her, not expecting her to look up.

“I brought someone for you.” Dani whispered gently, in a tone one would use when talking to a child, but kept the edges warm. So it would adjust to the fact Illyana was actually a teen.

Just as it was then, illyana grabbed the hand puppet, faster then she could process. Cradling it like a baby bird, tucked gently to her chest.

It was also the only time she looked up.

Or she thought.

Sure, It wasn’t full straight on eye contact, more of the slightest of glances. But to be fair, she didn’t expect her to look up at all for a very long time.

“Thank you, Dani.” She whispered, soft enough that only the Cheyenne could hear. Barely audible.

Roberto hummed in the background, and it was then Dani remembered they had an audience.

She turned around with a glare waiting, wondering what he could possibly have to say.

“Is she ok?” 

Oh.

Dani had somehow forgotten Roberto used to have a little infatuation with Illyana. And was now genuinely concerned.

The lesbian nodded warmly, “She will be. Shes doing better now though.”

She turned back to the blonde. Watching her face, trying to read her and see how she was doing.

Dani wanted to ask that specific question, but also knew that could be a big trigger for the girl. Namely cause it would draw to attention just how much, ahem, attention, had been focused on her.

So instead, she asked,

“What we’re you even doing? Teleporting up their?”

Confusion and maybe a bit of unease filled her mind, as Illyanas demeanor drastically changed.

The mutant looked up, smirking heavily. All traces of rapidly welling tears gone, but her face still a bit red.

Sturdy boots clanged against the ground, as she stood up unevenly.

Dani surprised herself by standing right beside her, hands hovering about her waist, ready to steady her incase illy fell.

“Well you can stop complaining Berto.” Illyana proudly stated.

“Wait,” he questioned with growing excitement, “Are you saying-“

“-Yes!” She nodded.

“I saw a building.”

——————————————————————

Turns out, Illyanas plan was to go up high enough to see if the road tapered out anytime soon. See if she could spot some sort of life.

Turns out, she was right.

It was only about 25 yards. The infinite woods gave way just enough to see a square building.

Everyone was joyous, cheering Illyana on, clapping her on the back.

She smiled, giving a little bow for a thrill.

It was pleasantly surprising for Dani, seeing the blonde this happy with the rest. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her this carefree, besides tiny fleeting moments between the two of them.

They all decided to just book it, bust out the last few meters of ground.

The only thing heard was the sound of shoes hitting pavement, random whoops of excitement, and Rahnes howls as she morphed into a wolf half way through.

Eventually, the arrived at the building Illyana had spotted.

It was a run down motel, probably abandoned. A sign with with almost all the letters missing hung out in front. So that only ‘OL’ could be read.

The outside was grey and cracking, and the windows looked broken,

But all the Mutants could feel was pure happiness.

For this was something!

They found something! 

It was a shabby, but a place!

They had found a place! 

They were on their own and they had found a place!

It was a mad dash for the door, everyone pushing and shoving to get their first.

Dani was mindful of the door, which looked like it could fall of its hinges with the slightest touch.

Their assumption was correct, the place was deserted. But luckily, it looked decent. As their weren’t many cobwebs, and just a light coating of dust everywhere.

You could tell where things had been.

The check-in desk to their left, back against the wall. A few chairs across from it to their front. A half full vending machine close on their right.

Roberto stared at the vending machine with interest, trying to formulate how to get the food out of it without paying.

Illyana sashayed up to the counter, chiming the bell that sat their with a smirk on her face. Dani chuckled lightly at the presentation.

They eventually traveled Farther left, to a wall with an archway. which led into two conjoining rooms, one which was the kitchen, and the other a comfy looking dining area.

They voted on returning shortly, after they search the rest of this place. Coming back into the entrance room. the wall across from them broke away at the very end. Hiding a staircase behind it leading upwards into a dark and shrouded level.

“Who wants to go first?” Rahne muttered uncertainly.

Illyana scoffed, “Move it doggy,” soon shoving her way past.

Dani sent the lycanthropy an apologetic look,  
sometimes, the blonde acted before she thought.  
Her emotions were commonly guarded, unless they were of annoyance, snark, anger, or any other negative one. In which, they came barreling out sword drawn.

Although a bit nervous, Dani followed suit, the telltale sounds of the rest following creaking through the shaft.

A gust of wind met them at the top, accompanied by a swirl of blue, red, and orange. Illyana stood in all her presumptuous glory. Her signature smirk glaringly evident.

“I checked. Theirs 3, ok looking rooms. 1 with one bed. Others with two.”

Their was a brief moment were everyone just stared at each other. Silently wondering who’d room with who.

Roberto nodded, building up the courage to suggest a layout.

“I guess we could-“

“Berto and Sam, your together,” the blonde interrupted,” Me and Dani in a room. Rahne in last one. Unless you have a problem with that?”

No one dared to reply, even though honestly, that’s probably what Roberto would have said anyways.

“Good. It’s settled. Now let’s fine something in this trash hole to eat.”

Dani almost found Illyanas edge comforting. Call her crazy, it just would feel weird if she wasn’t making offhanded comments most of the time. Cause if she wasn’t, that’s when you knew something was wrong.

The blonde tensed slightly, and it looked as if she might teleport again.

But strangely, Dani felt a surge of desperation. Wanting to be with Illyana if she could.

So before she could open another portal, she reached out and grasped her wrist lightly. 

The blonde gasped softly, turning to see Dani shaking her head no, eyes pleading. 

She hoped illyana could understand what she meant.

Didn’t want to come across as crazy,  
Or even worse, Clingy!

It was a huge relief, when the Russian nodded. A rare, soft smile gracing her lips.

She maneuvered her pale hand so it was in twined with Dani’s. Going even as far as to rub her thumb over her knuckles reassuringly.

The Russian immediately blushed afterwards. But Dani was beaming. Absolutely relishing it all. 

She felt cared about.

It felt really really nice.

And knowing she felt happy, Illyanas blush soon left. Even if she made a quick glance to make sure no one was watching.

Dani understood perfectly. Illyana liked whatever was happening, but feelings were rough. Showing them was hard for her, especially when anyone in their small group could call her out on it if she wasn’t too careful.. 

She just didn’t want to be completely public yet. 

And Dani was totally fine with that. Even if everyone already knew, but didn’t comment on it just for this specific fact.

Honestly, she was just great full Illyana felt sure enough to even reciprocate these feelings in the smallest of ways.

It made her feel honored.

Special.

“Hey! You two coming?!” Roberto yelled from downstairs, jarring them both out of what little reverie they were having. 

“Y-yes!” Dani stuttered, “On our way!”

She tilted her head, expecting Illyana to look tense, but she instead just shrugged nonchalantly. And motioned to Dani to come along with a jerk of her shoulder.

It was a bit hard to walk the narrow stairwell with their hands interlocked, but they managed. Not wanted to be unlinked fro the time being.

They found Rahne and Same by the vending machine. The boy vibrating his hands just enough till snacks started falling one by one for Rahne to collect.

Once Rahne saw them, she held out a few assorted items, and Dani broke their linked hands. Holding both of hers out to catch.

She caught them with ease, staring intently at the bag of chips and peanut butter crackers, trying to find expiration dates.

The dates further proved her theory this motel had not be abandoned for long, as they were not expired yet. Although they would have been in a couple weeks.

Illyana looked confused by her snacks. And it struck Dani that this might have been her first time eating a few of them.

Guilt and anger welled in her stomach just thinking about it. 

Those monsters most likely didn’t give her a wide variety of things to eat, if they even remembered to feed her. And after that it was basically whatever the hospital gave her she ate.

And although they had actual meals and a much wider menu, they also weren’t known for their abundance of food. And from her week being their, she hadn’t seen a place where they gave out snacks like these.

“Those are chips,” She explained discreetly, “Basically thin fried potatoes. And the other are just some trail mix. A combo of nuts, raisins, and chocolate candy pieces.”

Illyanas pale face turned beet red, as she avoided Dani’s gaze.  
But she nodded in thanks. Great fullness shadowing her embarrassment.

Everyone made their way over to the dining area, Sam and Roberto crashing on some bean bags. While Dani and Illyana squeezed their way into a smallish loveseat.

“Hey guys!” Rahne called out from behind the bar in the back, “Look what I found!”

She held out and array of sodas and water bottles, a hearty cheer following.

How the owners managed to leave all of this food, Dani had no idea.

But man, was she great full for it!

Rahne held up a couple of cans. “Who wants what?” 

“Root beer!” Roberto called out.

“Coke ‘r please!” Sam followed.

Dani grinned, “One Ginger ale please!”

Everyone turned to Illyana, waiting for her answer.

She froze a little under all the attention, and Dani understood once again, that she didn’t have any idea what was what.

“She’s still deciding.” The Cheyenne Answered for her nonchalantly.

Rahne shrugged, and turned back to grab the list of sodas.

Dani quickly leaned in discreetly.

“Are you tired?”

Illyanas confused face would have been adorable, if the underlying tone weren’t so destroying.

“Some soda makes you more awake. And since we’re probably gonna sleep soon, I’m guessing you don’t want that?” Dani explained patiently.

The later shook her head in agreement.

“Ok, good. Follow my lead.”

“So Illy, ya decide what you want yet?” Rahne thick Scottish accent rang through.

With a quick glance at Dani The Russian nodded.

“I’ll have, a, ahem, Spreet?” She answered uncertainly.

“One sprite coming up!”

Illyana immediately blushed at the mispronunciation, ducking her head to hide her embarrassment.

Dani intwined their hands. Trying to send soothing vibes.

She understood the Blonde was waiting. And she absolutely hated it. 

But she figured out it was something she did.

Since those monsters would take every chance they could get to point out her flaws and make her cry as a child, she naturally assumed everyone else would attack every mistake she made with cruelty and laughter.

It was best to wait it out. Without saying anything. It showed not everyone was like those soulless demons.

Illyana tensed, slowly looking up when she didn’t hear any laughter. She was floored upon seeing Sam and Roberto joking around with each other. Apparently not even bothered by the fact her accent made some words sound different.

She looked back to Dani with such a look of confusion, with the faintest hint of pleading. It struck her very soul.

Dani remembered when she first saw this look, all those many days ago, when she first returned Lockheed.

She knew what she said next could make or break her.

She rubbed her thumb over the laters knuckles, mimicking the way the Russian had done upstairs.

Dani smiled. —softly—  
Never wide. Never in a way that could be taken negatively.

“It’s ok.” the Cheyenne whispered, “We aren’t going to make fun of you for your mistakes. We’re not like them.”

Illyana tensed, and Dani was worried she take her hand back. But was pleased when all she did was nod. Slowly taking in the information.

“I’ll never laugh at you,” Dani promised,” I’ll never make fun of you ever again.”

The blonde closed her eyes. Bowing her head slightly. 

She was worried she might have scared her a bit accidentally. 

That was pushed away immediately once the Russian nodded again.

“Thank you Dani.” The girl whispered.

Dani squeezed her hand in reply, “Any time.”

For the next hour or so, The mutants chilled and ate together. Joking around and laughing (happily).

Their was a round of excitement and cheers as Illyana had soda for the first time.

She had let out a noise of surprise, before breaking out into a incredibly wide smile.

“It’s fizzling!” The mutant exclaimed.

“Dani it fizzles! Is it supposed to fizzle?!”

Dani smiled at her curious questions, nodding along.

“Sometimes when you burp it burns your nose.” 

Illyana looked scared momentarily. Until Sam let out an outrageous burp. Loud enough to shake the house. And they all burst out into uncontrollable giggles.

Eventually, they were tired out. High on soda, with that warm and full feeling Dani couldn’t get enough of. All trudging up to bed.  
Perspectively heading to their assigned rooms. 

Thankfully, their was a bathroom in each of these rooms. Something Illyana probably looked for.

It was silent in the room, aside from random ‘I’ll go first’s or ‘Ok’.

After Dani washed up as best as she could, and changed into whatever extra clothes she had. She walked back into the shared room with a question on her tongue.

“So, uh, which um. Which bed do you ah-“

“Don’t worry New girl, theirs two beds, what? Afraid I’ll jump you in the middle of the night?”

Dani blushed fiercely, but would not admit her thoughts were somewhat along that line.

She just picked the one opposite of where Illyana was standing. Clad in the same outfit she wore after Dr. Reyes tranquilized her.

No more words were spoken as she climbed into the surprisingly comfy bed.

But she couldn’t help but sneak some peeks at the girl a few feet away. 

Illy was curled in the fetal position, Lockheed tucked securely under her chin. Other hand hovering near her mouth.

It was the most vulnerable she really allowed herself to be. And Dani liked to see it. Not because of some weird power play tactic.

But because from what she’s known, she’s the only person Illyana allows herself to be vulnerable with.

Her eyes fluttered closed, how adorable Illy looked while she slept the last thing on her mind before the world went dark.

—————————————————————

Dani woke up in the middle of the night. Eyes bleary, she immediately glanced over to see if Illyana was ok.

She looked overall ok, no gaping wounds or pouring blood.

That was good.

It barely even registered that the Russian was sucking her thumb in her sleep. If Dani was much more awake she’d probably launch into some deep mental character study on why this was happening and how it was totally normal.

But considering she wasn’t, she just shoved it into the back of her mind.

Until she reached into her brain and yoinked it out seconds later. upon hearing the whimpers that emitted from the blonde.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to clear her vision and start some of her sensors into motion.

Illyana was shaking. Practically vibrating under the covers. Her eyebrows were drawn even in sleep. As she physically curled as tight as she could.

She looked to be in the throws of a nightmare. And Danis hands immediately went to her head. Trying to see if she could feel the familiar tingling that usually persisted when her powers activated.

She couldn’t feel it, but guilt couldn’t help but swirl in the pit of her stomach. 

What if she indirectly caused this?

She’s known to cause things like this in her sleep.

All she knew was she wanted illyana better. And that would require waking her up.

Which honestly, she wasn’t sure she could do.

Not physically, it be over quickly.

But it was the same as waking her up yesterday on the trail.

Sleeping was when Illyana was most vulnerable, and any type of touch or noise could be perceived as an attack. And the last thing she wanted to do was scare her even more.

Besides the fact, that since she was in the middle of a nightmare, the aftermath would instantly invoke some sense of shame or embarrassment from the blonde. Which Illyana would self loathe herself for showing.

And the later would only put a wedge between the twos blooming relationship.

So with extreme restraint and going against everything she ever thought or wanted. Dani reluctantly fell back asleep. 

The sound of Illyanas whimpers in the background.

——————————————————————

When Dani woke up, she wasn’t surprised to see an empty bed next to her.

She took a few deep breaths, regulating her heartbeat. Clasping her bear necklace on, and stretching out all her muscles.

And then she was ready to go.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, jumping to the floor with a little “plop”

Instead of completely changing out of her pajamas, she threw her flannel over her t-shirt. Adding a layer of warmth with the perception of being put together, when in reality, she felt as if she could crumble an second.

Not from pain or anything, but just from the total and utter unknown.

She had no idea what they were going to do today.

Would the group want to leave already? Try and make some ground? Find actual civilization?

Or would they want to stay here for a bit. Take a break from everything.

God knows she needed one.

Even though they’d only been walking for about two days, the toll of everything had to be weighing down on them. Slowly but surely. 

She was honestly surprised no ones really gotten mad or snapped yet. With tension and anxiety high, fights were bound to eventually break out.

Dani just hoped that day wasn’t today.

“ILLYANA REALLY?!”

*sigh*

Guess that went down the drain fast.

She quickly scampered down the stairs, only to find a very soaked Roberto.

“What ha-“

“SHE happened!” He growled, pointing at a very confused, but very amused blonde.

“You look like you needed to cool down.” She tried to explain.

Dani saw a discarded Root beer on a table. A laughing Rahne in the corner. And started to piece things together.

“Berto, did Illyana give this to you? Or Rahne.”

The wet mutant scowled “Illyana obviously.”

Dani stepped closer to the blonde, taking her tone down to a whisper.

“Honey, did you happen to shake the can before giving it to Berto?” 

She didn’t even realize the term of endearment until it was too late. But illy just gave her a lopsided grin before nodding.

“Yeah. Rahne told me to do it. Didn’t know it would do that.”

The attention was now on Rahne, who’s laughter stopped immediately upon all the focus directed at her.

“Well it’s not all meh fault!” She excused in her Scottish accent, “I didn’t make Illy do it. Just told her too.”

Dani frowned, “But she didn’t know that’s what would happen afterwards.”

“How was I supposed to know that!”

“Because she literally just tried soda for the first time yesterday?” 

Illyana looked embarrassed, as if she should have known this would happen.

Dani on the other hand, was uncomfortable, nearing angry.

“You knew she didn’t know. Yet you still told her to do it.”

“Calm down!” Rahne held out her palms, “It was just a joke!”

“Not a funny one!” Roberto growled.

“Well geez, sorry. Just looking for a laugh!”

Rage welled in Danis chest, “So you decided to use Illyana to get it?”

“It’s fine Dani.” The blonde muttered.

“Yeah,” Roberto added, “I mean, I’m still mad, but it’s like. Who doesn’t know a can will explode if you shake it. Seems pretty basic.” 

Their was an awkward silence that followed. As Illy wallowed in self shame. 

“Right?”

The quiet was answer enough. As Roberto finally understood that, no. Illyana did not know. Because yesterday was the first time she literally had ever seen a soda. And that Rahne, knowing this, used it to her advantage.

A gust of wind hit their faces before Dani could call out. The creaking from upstairs implying where the Russian had went.

“Rahne, how could you take advantage of her like that.” She questioned. 

The lycan shrunk down, “M’ Sorry. I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal. I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, but you knew she didn’t know. Not cool R.” Roberto added. Toweling off with a rag from the bar. He now fully understood what went down. And was not happy about it.

“I’m really sorry,” she stated honestly, eyes wide, “I didn’t think. I just acted.”

Dani sighed, “It’s ok. With everything that happens I think we all forget we’re all still kids with trashy backstories.”

“Damn, when ya pu’ it like tha’ it sounds like we’s all part of some depressing movie.” Sam called out from where he just entered the house. Spare wood in hand for the fireplace in the dining areas.

“So, uh. Wha’ I miss?”

She shook her head, “They can fill you in. And while your all at it, could you find something to eat me and Illy? Thanks.”

And with that, she was back up the steps.  
Pausing before the door to her and Illys shared room.

It had only been 15 minutes.

It was honestly terrifying to imagine the future.

Dani rapped her knuckles on the door lightly.

“Hey Illy, it’s me.”

Silence.

“Can I come in?”

“Your decision. Better then standing out their.” 

Dani tensed, the voice was bitter and angry. She braced herself for what was to come before entering.

It wasn’t surprisingly to see Illyana in bed. Back against the headrest. Knees drawn to chest. Lockheed in lap. Sheets and pillows pooled around her in some makeshift sort of shell.

“Listen, Rahne and Berto were out of line-“

“-I don’t need your pity.” She bit out. Steel in her words.

She raised her hands immediately, “Well I’m not giving you any. So their.”

Dani walked towards the bed, nodding towards the edge. 

Illy allowed it with the subtlest of nods.

“Rahne didn’t think it would be a big deal.” She continued, sitting cross cross on the bed. Facing illy.

“It shouldn’t be.” The blonde admitted self haltingly. 

Dani’s eyebrows furrowed. “She took advantage of a lack of knowledge, that is not on you.”

“YES IT IS!” She barked, before realizing her dangerous looking expression. Letting her head drop.

“Hey,” Dani spoke concerned, crawling over till she was sitting next to her, “Hey, what’s wrong girl? What are you thinking in that complex mind?”

Illyana frowned deeper, “I should know it. I should know that cans explode after you shake them. I shouldn’t be fucking dumb and vulnerable. I shouldn’t be all jacked up with trauma and angst. I should be normal!”

The Cheyenne let the words wash over her. Deciding carefully what to say next.

“Well normal, normal is pretty odd.”

Illyana twisted her head, face contorted. 

“I mean, if you think about it. No one here is normal. Like, Rahnes been branded with an Iron Rod twice. Sam spontaneous explodes whenever he feels claustrophobic. Roberto literally burns things when he feels powerful emotions, and has an extreme fear of touching people cause of it. And I literally make people see their worst fear. Which btw, does not combat with my own. Which are numerous and terrifying.”

She took Illyanas hand in hers, “Those monsters were horrible to you. But you gotta understand that all of us have been screwed over as well. It’s not just you. And it was wrong of Rahne to take advantage of that. We’re supposed to be accepting of everyone pasts. And she didn’t realize she screwed up till it was too late.”

The blonde looked conflicted, “But dont you think I’m an idiot?” 

Dani gave a soft smile, “At times, yes. But not because of your smarts or knowledge. But because you can sometimes act without thinking. But your not dumb. Theirs things you don’t know. Sure. But I bet you know things Rahne doesn’t. And honestly, you don’t need changing. Your perfect to me.”

Illyana nodded, lips twitching slightly as she slowly tilted her head down. Waiting for Dani to move anytime. 

When she didn’t, she hesitantly allowed her head to be cradled in her shoulder. Letting out a little sigh as she did so.

“Thank you Dani.”

She grinned, placing a kiss to her crown.

“Anytime girl.”

The blonde shifted a bit in her embrace, “And, erm, Dani?”

She looked down, “Yes hon?”

“You know you can come to me right?” The mutant questioned, albeit a bit stiffly, “for all those numerous and terrifying fears?”

Dani’s eyes sparkled, and she placed another kiss to the hairline of the freezing body next to her.

She didn’t say anything, but the motion was answer enough. For illyana sighed and snuggled in to the warm hug. Allowing the two to just soak in the others company for the time being.

——————————————————————

The two came down after half an hour or so. To the smell of chips, soda, and surprisingly Roasted vegetables.

Rahne, Sam, and Roberto had made some sort of system. 

Sam would clean the assorted veggies with whatever water they had, Rahne would put them on a stick, and the hold them out to Roberto who would set his fingers on fire and sear them perfectly.

“Where’d you get the vegetables?” Dani asked astounded.

The three grinned, “Turns out theirs an overgrown garden in the back! Their was a lot of rotten looking ones, but some weren’t all bad!”

Illyana smirked, nodding in approval.

“Good job guys, you managed to do something useful for once.”

Dani tensed, waiting for someone to take offense or yell. But to her surprise they all smiled wider in reply. It seems they were starting to understand Illy a bit more now, and realized that was actually her form of a compliment.

The Russians nose scrunched up, and the lesbian could immediately tell she was put off by all the wide grins.

Dani discreetly motioned for them to cut it out. Which they thankfully understood.

The group proceeded to dig in, audible moans at actual food that wasn’t processed.

It was a little while before anyone said anything, but eventually Sam voiced the question they were all thinking.

“So why don’ we stay here?” 

Their was a pause.

“Where would we get water? Like drinkable water?” Dani questioned.

Roberto responded, “Their was a water pump connected to a stream as well. With seeds from the leftover vegetables, we could really start something here.”

Illyana was unusually quiet, something Dani immediately picked up on. 

She turned to Rahne instead.

“Rahne? What do you think?”

The girl in question shrunk in on herself, her go to move trying to hide in her too large sweaters.

“I don’t know honestly, I like it here. It’s quiet. And calm. I mean their could be something else out their. But why risk it ya know? Why risk what we already have?”

Dani nodded, concern flowing through her once she saw the Russians stony expression.

It was the face she made whenever she dissociated into the depth of her mind. You could tell from her eyes. They’d aim at one place, but stare at nothing, haunted just around the tinges of the pupils, and the edge of her eyebrows.

She didn’t want to force the girl to make a decision now. So instead tried to remain nonchalantly undecided.

“I don’t know,” she spoke, “I think I need a little time to figure it all out.”

“That’s ok.” Sam soothed, “Were not gonna force anyone to do anything.”

She knew he aimed that more at Illyana then herself, but nodded along as if it was.

“Well,” Roberto started, “If were to maybe live here, we might want to really put an effort into ‘Ol gal’. Tidy up a bit. I can even try and get the electricity working again!”

They had taken to calling the motel ‘Ol gal’ in honor of the sign with missing letters out front.

“Does that mean we could get the TV working?” Rahne questioned with fanatical excitement.

“Your just asking cause you want to see girls make out on screen!” Illyana finally snarked.

It made Dani smile, even though she could tell it was just a front.

“No!” Rahne immediately defended, curling in on herself. Even though it was kinda true.

“Well! Let’s get to it!” Roberto cheered with abnormal enthusiasm.

Everyone grumbled a bit, but eventually they got into it. Having fun and singing songs as they slowly put ‘Ol Gal’ back together again.

Dani kept a close eye on Illyana the whole time, noticing she did everything with a sort of reluctance she couldn’t figure out.

She hated the feeling of not knowing. Cause she knew the blonde was dealing with something. But she couldn’t get her alone, and even then she wasn’t sure if she would open up. It wasn’t the most natural of things for Illy.

Hours had passed, but to the mutants, it felt like minutes, before they were sat down for another round of Roasted vegetables and the healthiest snacks they could scrounge from the vending machine.

“How would we get protein?” Dani questioned. Considering all the options.

“Well,” Rahne grinned mischievously, “I have been known, at times, to hunt.”

“Ugh,” she laughed, “Thanks for that image!”

“Well you asked!”

Dani waved it off. And soon they were back to their usual banter. Minus Illyana. Who had Dissociated once again.

It concerned Dani like no other.

She knew Illy had problems that ran deep. Stuff she couldn’t even imagine. And Dissociation was a way to cope with it. Along with her many other habits and traits. That didn’t bother her.

It was the fact she was suffering and Dani couldn’t do anything about it that affected her. 

She just hoped something would change soon. Or she might go crazy thinking about it.

Eventually everyone trucked of too bed yet again. Except the blonde. Who continued to stare at nothing.

Dani waited for her patiently.

She would always wait. For as long as necessary. As long as it took for Illy to understand she wasn’t leaving.

And when she did finally come out of her trance. Blinking her eyes rapidly to clear away the haunted looked. Dani just calmly stood up. Walked over to her, and held out her hand.

“Coming to bed?” She questioned warmly. 

Illyana nodded. And the way she squeezed Dani’s hand was thank you enough.

They walked up the stairs and into their room. Hands never unlinking. As the Russian then wordlessly got ready for bed, first off placing Lockheed on her pillow with such care only accumulated over years of time.

While she washed up, Dani made quick work of taking down both hers and Illys bed. Wanting rest to come as easy as it could for the girl.

The blonde saw, starring at it in awe for a a moment. As if she couldn’t believe Dani would do anything for her.

“Th-thanks.” She stuttered out. Wincing afterwards. 

But Dani understood, she always understood.

Her eyes softened, “It’s ok Illy. Anytime.” 

The Russians mindset usually went back a few years when she got all spaced out and dissociative. So words were either randomly tough, or shortened. 

Dani didn’t mind. She was just glad it wasn’t a completely unhealthy way of coping. 

Illy nodded once more, and climbed into bed. Per use, curled up tight, Lockheed under chin, hand hovering near mouth.

It was almost comforting how Dani knew this would happen. She liked to think she understood Illyana. Cause that meant she could help her in ways that could actually succeed. 

Dani nodded at her, “ok then. Good night honey.”

She didn’t expect a reply.

...

“Night New girl.”

But damn, did she smile when she got one.

She turned off the lights with an affirmative click. Pleased in how she handled everything. Falling off into a peaceful sleep.

———

(Wait no we’re not done lol)

———

“GUH!” Dani jerked awake to something hitting her face. Quickly scrambling into a upright defense position as fast as her tired mind would go.

Which honestly, was pathetically slow, and had this been some mutant assassin she’d be ling dead.

She looked around, straining her eyes to the darkness of the room.

Dani nearly screamed when saw two blueish eyes staring at her.

“Oh my gosh! Illy!” She freaked, hand on chest, heart beating rapidly, “You. *pant* can’t do that! Why would you even do that?.”

Turning her head, she found a pillow to her left and assumed that was what hit her.

So much for quick reflexes.

She turned back to Illyana, confused, and still a bit panicked. But otherwise remained calm.

The blonde herself looked angry, eyes boiling, she sneered at the human across the room, every intent on yelling for some reason.

And then, like sand slipping through hands, the demeanor slid away. All a front. An act for what really was underneath.

It was replaced by a terrified looking girl. Which made Dani’s heart pang with guilt.

“I’m sorry Dani,” she whimpered, “I just. I wanted to wake you and I didn’t know how.”

“Hon, it’s ok.” She pacified, “I’m not mad.”

The blonde remained silent for a while. But Dani could vaguely see her face, her lip was quivering and her eyes were glassy.

“Illy?” She cooed, “what’s wrong girl?”

Illyana shook her head, all of a sudden looking quite ashamed.

“It’s stupid.” She admitted.

“Nothing you say is stupid Illy.” Dani promised. Shifting so she was sitting criss cross on the bed.

The Russian held Lockheed close, biting on her thumbnail.

“It’s just, ..., I was worried I’d dream of the smiley men again. And couldn’t sleep.” she paused, waiting for Dani to laugh. When she didn’t, she nodded, although nervously.

“C-could I maybe sleep with you?” 

Dani smiled warmly, immediately opening her covers up. 

“Of course Illy. Anytime you need too. I’ll protect you in your sleep.” 

It took a bit for Illyana to understand that Dani had agreed. That she didn’t kick her out or scream. 

But once she did she switched over quite fast. Lockheed held tight in her hand.

Dani scooted over, somehow just realizing how close they’d be now.

Oh come on Dani! Now is not the time for you to get all gay panicked and flustered! Scared Illy in front of you!

Illyana immediately curled up into the smallest ball she could. And it wasn’t until Dani felt it, did she realize the girl was shaking.

“Hey, Illy, your ok. I’m here.” Dani soothed. 

“I’m never Safe.” She replied.

It effectively broke her heart. 

“Hey, no,” she decided to close the distance, wrapping her arms around her shaking frame, “You are Illy. You left their. You killed them. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

“They came to me last night,” illy whispered, “They smiled so wide Dani. So wide. It was so cold.”

Dani pulled the covers over them, now fully spooning the Russian. Trying to get her shakes to a medium.

“They wanted to talk! But they didnt. They just laughed. It was so loud. And they smiled. I don’t know why they smiled. I was crying but they smiled. I-“

“-Hey, Illyana!” The Cheyenne interrupted, “Your working yourself into a frenzy! You need hear me hon, those monsters are gone. I am here. They are dreams. I am real. And I know they were terrifying. I can’t even imagine. But you need to know that I’ll be here. Every time their scare you. Every time you think they have you, I’ll fight them off and prove you wrong. I just, I just need you to know I’m here, ok?”

It was silent for a awhile. But the shaking had seized. 

“Dani I-“ Before she could even finish, Illyana turned and buried her face into the shorter girls embrace. Lockheed cuddled tenderly between them.

“I say thank you to much.” She chuckled semi bitterly.

Dani leaned down and pressed a kiss to her pale messy crown. 

“I thank the spirits every day I met you. So if anything. Your completely normal.”

Illyana smiled. Nuzzling the nape of Dani’s neck. Before tensing.

“You promise Dani? You really won’t leave?”

Dani looked down at the insecure girl, glancing down to her pale lips. She gave the subtlest of nods in return.

And with permission, she leaned in, and Shared their first true kiss. 

Their wasn’t sparks like they said in the movies.

But Dani didn’t want sparks. She wanted Illy. And nothing made her more happy.

“Does that answer you?”

The blonde looked a bit flustered. Red filling in the pale.

Instead of answering, she leaned back into the hug. Maneuvering her arm so Lockheed was safe and secure under her chin.

Dani looked at her fondly. Giving her one last goodnight kiss to her forehead.

She made to sure to wait till the girl fell asleep before trying herself.

Illy needed sleep.

And she was willing to stay up and battle her demons for her, so she could get it.

————————————————————

Dani woke up with Illyana in her arms.

And dear GOD, she really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nothing felt more natural.

She couldn’t even imagine how she lived without it.

The blonde looked so cute, her bangs all missed and her cheeks aglow.

And she found endearing how the girl sometimes sucked her thumb while asleep. 

She was careful not to move. Not wanting to break the little bubble of happiness and warmth she was in.

Alas, all things have to come to an end.

But she couldn’t help but relish how she woke up as well.

First, it started with her nose. Which would scrunch adorably. Then her thumb came out with a little ‘pop’.

And finally, her big blue eyes would flutter open. As if she was the most graceful princess in all the lands.

Her pupils spun around a bit, before her sight really came into focus.

“Hey hon.” Dani cooed.

Illy chuckled, “Were you watching me as I slept?”

“Only cause you look so adorable.” She assured.

The Russian whined cutely, blushing lightly.

They started to hear noises downstairs.

“Man, we’re notorious for sleeping in, huh.”

“Oh they’ll be fine!” The blonde waved off, “I think combined, their smart enough not to burn down ‘Ol gal’. I’m not sure about alone though.”

Dani rolled her eyes, “You and your inevitable snark.”

Illyana preened, “My pride and joy.”

Man. She really lucked out in the -in a blooming relationship- category.

Who knew all these crazy events could lead to this. She was almost thankful she’d been sent to the hospital.

She grinned, “Guess we better get down their. Berto’s probably fixing the TV as we speak.”

Oh, she said something wrong.

Did something wrong.

That familiar ring of trauma peeked behind Illys eyes.

“What’s wrong?” She frowned.

“Huh? Oh! Nothing. Nothings wrong.” Illyana faked a neutral tone.

Something was wrong.

“Illy,” Dani spoke slowly, “If your not ok, you don’t have to pretend to not be. Just to make me happy. “

“I’m not.” She lied. Eyes flickering back and forth between normal and that dissociative stare Dani was accustomed too.

“Lovely, you don’t to lie to make me happy. I want to know what your feeling. Wether happy or sad.”

The mutant nodded, but her gaze fully slipped, looking at Dani, but staring at nothing.

Dani reached out, stroking her hair gently.

“What’s wrong honey?” 

She waited until Illyana was ok to answer. 

She’d wait till the end of time.

Illyana sighed, now looking down. 

“Y-you won’t get mad?” 

“I promise,” she reassured, “But can I guess what this is about?”

Although unsettled, she nodded.

“Is this about ‘Ol Gal?”

The taller girl tensed.

“I like ‘Ol gal’.” She whispered softly, almost a defense.

“But?”

Illy looked uncomfortable. Instinctively curling in on herself. Habitually toying with Lockheed.

“Honey, you can tell me.” She soothed.

“It’s just, What if theirs more out their? More then here? I know everyone already agreed to stay here but-“

“Hey,” Dani interrupted, “I never agreed to anything. And no one else made an official decision either! You should have said this earlier, they would have loved to hear you out. It’s not like they’d abando-“

She trailed off, realization hitting her as she spoke.

“Illy, do you think, that if you wanted to continue searching, and they didn’t. They’d kick you out? And leave you alone?”

Illyana didn’t say anything. But Lockheed nodded yes.

“Oh honey.” 

She was quick to press a kiss to her bangs. Giving her a light squeeze.

“Honey they’d never leave you. More especially, I’d never leave you. Ever.”

“But what if I wanted to keep searching?”

“I’d come with you.” Dani answered with no hesitation.

Illyana looked shocked, “You would?”

She chuckled soundlessly, “Illyana, if it wasn’t obvious by now, I’d Follow you to the ends of Limbo.”

She felt lips on her own, but before she could reattribute, Red, orange, blue, and pink blinded her sights. Followed by a powerful gust of wind.

Dani grinned into the empty room.

Damn, she loved that girl.

Wait WHAT!

Oh come on Dani! Either figure out your feelings and stick to them, or stop saying words like that! Either way, theirs definitely something you gotta figure out.

Yeah, I know.

And now I’m talking inside my head.

“Ugh!” She slapped her cheeks a few times.

“Get your head out of the clouds!”

With that final affirmation, she headed downstairs, pleasantly surprised to see Vegetable and Meat skewers for breakfast.

“Oooh! Rahne? What is this?” 

Rahne grinned, showing off her fangs, “Only the finest of rabbits!”

She laughed, and eagerly dug in.

It tasted amazing. The flavors exploding in her mouth. Roberto noticed with obvious pride.

“I have been getting pretty good at this haven’t I!”

Illyana ate along with everyone, but remained uneasily silent. 

Dani sighed, she wish their was some way she could help or-

“-I want to leave!” The blonde shouted.

Well, more like stated.

Everyone turned to look at her mid-chew.

“Uh, Illy? Could you explain a bit more?” Roberto questioned.

Illyana looked uncomfortable, absolutely stiffled with all the attention drawn to her. 

Dani discreetly reached over and placed her palm on the small of her back. Rubbing tiny circles.

“I-I..., I think their might be more out their. I know their is. And I love this place. Truly. I do. But I want to keep searching. Maybe find a place with more food. Or idk. Other people? And yeah, I don’t really want to see other people. But I can’t live hear constantly thinking about elsewhere. If we just looked another mile would we find something more.”

“But illy,” Rahne spoke up, “What more do you want? We have food, water. Actual plumbing somehow. Beds. And Robertos even getting the electricity back on.”

Illyana let her face become steely, her appearance turning stubborn and mean.

Dani immediately knew it was a front. Deep down Illy probably felt scared and rejected.

“Guys,” she addressed, “Hear her out.”

The nodded. Slowly becoming quiet once again. 

Illyana hesitantly started up again, “As I was saying. Theirs more to this place then the here and now. Sure this place is awesome now, but what about when winter comes? We need warmer clothes then the ones we have. Not to mention we can’t just survive on these ones. And what if the electricity goes out. We’d freeze! And not even talking about survival, maybe interest. Wouldn’t you want gear to practice your flying sam? And you a basketball or something Berto? Even you Rahne, we could find a bunch of corny lesbian romcoms for the tv!” 

“Hold on,” Sam interjected, “We?”

“Oh!” 

Illyanas cheeks burned, “I-um. I-“

“-She meant me.” Dani finished, “Me and her could go out and scope farther down. See what lays beyond ‘Ol Gal.’”

“But what if you two got lost? Or worse attacked?” Roberto questioned nervously.

“Worst case scenario, Illyana transports us back her or to limbo, and also, Berto?” She snickered, “If you don’t think Illyana can take care or defend us from attackers by now? Then you don’t know Illyana.”

The Russian beamed, “It was under my impression that I basically fought not only the smiley men, but Yogi!”

They looked momentarily confused.

“She means the demon bear.” Dani explained.

“Ohhhh!”

A moment of silence passed.

“We could go with you,” Sam suggested,” we did promise not to leave anyone behind.”

“But you guys could work on ‘Ol Gal while we’re gone! And this wouldn’t exactly be leaving us behind. Technically we’d be leaving you. But with a definite promise of return with whatever we discovered.” The Cheyenne informed.

Another moment of silence.

“Illy, you sure you want to do this?” He questioned.

Her face was firm, “I think I’d go crazy if I didnt.”

“Well then!” Berto clapped, “I think we got ourselves a recon team!”

Everyone nodded.

Illyana looked shocked they agreed. But to Dani’s happiness, the shock wore away quicker then usual. As if she was starting to accept people might actually do things for her, and not call her out for all her mistakes.

The group had a happy brunch. And then it was off for Dani and Illyana to pack. As they wanted to head out while it was still light for quite awhile.

They had a semi tearful goodbye. (Mainly from Roberto, though he’d deny it to his grave.)

Sam gave Illyana a long affectionate hug. Handing her one of his Flannels for good luck. 

Rahne Handed Dani all the leftover Vegetables and Meat. Along with a gigantic container of water.

“Don’t die on me, ok?” She warned.

Dani laughed, “Wouldn’t dream of it!”

And then they were off. Hand in hand, down the road.

After a couple miles or so, they came across a sign. One with two markers pointing to two different areas.

Illyana paused, turning to look at Dani.

“Dani, I...” 

She expected her to say Thank you, even though she didn’t need too. She wanted to be here. With her.

“Dani, I think I love you.”

Whoa.

That was not AT ALL what she thought she’d say! Her mind was currently blown. Nothing worked anymore.

Come on Dani! Come on you useless lesbian disaster! Say something! Fucking say it back!

“I-I love you too! Illyana. Of course I love you back!” She smiled in joy.

“What sprouted this?” She questioned.

“Well,” she answered simply, “Your here. With me. Holding my hand. And making sure I’m ok. And I say I think cause I’ve never felt this before with anyone. So that’s why I think it’s love. Cause you do stuff that I love. And I love who you are. So yes. I love you.”

Dani immediately started sputtering, “Be my girlfriend?!”

“Huh?”

“Oh yeah! Um. Not sure if you completely get it, but it’s basically like when your in a romantic relationship. And you want to make it official. It’s kinda corny, I know, and I get if you think it’s too cheesy, but I-“

“-Yes!” She cheered.

The lesbian blinked rapidly, “Really? You really want too?”

Illyana threw her arms around Dani’s neck, linking foreheads.

“Does this answer your question?”

The two of them shared a long desired kiss. And this was when Dani truly felt sparks. Except it wasn’t movie sparks.

It was Sparks of Love.

—-

—-

(Also take a look at the end notes, it’s important ❤️)

**Author's Note:**

> Man! It was short, but a well written trip down this NM road!
> 
> I hope you liked what came out of it! And much love to all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Also. I tried, and wanted to make it very clear that Illyana wasn’t all of a sudden ‘better’ anywhere throughout this story.
> 
> Trauma and recovery takes time.
> 
> It takes effort
> 
> It takes pain and tears and mood swings and some more Pain.
> 
> But, with the right people with you, over time, it will get better.
> 
> You won’t immediately think someone’s lying when they compliment you,
> 
> Or get off put every time your in the room with a man,
> 
> Or even (I still can’t get over this yet) not go into a brief state of terror every time someone climbs up the steps.
> 
> Recovery of each and every type, takes time and effort.
> 
> Illyana isnt ‘fixed’
> 
> But she isn’t ‘broken’
> 
> She was abused.
> 
> And she survived
> 
> And now everyday she works on getting better. Even if it doesn’t look like it. 
> 
> She copes in her own ways, sometimes purposefully, sometimes unwilling.
> 
> But thankfully none of it is unhealthy.
> 
> I know theirs people out their who cut or drink or pop to cope with things.
> 
> And that is completely ok.
> 
> Cause your upset and hurt and angry and you found something in the moment that makes you feel better.
> 
> But then you gotta take a breather. Stop, and really think.
> 
> “Will this coping mechanism help me? Or hurt me in the end.”
> 
> If your too weak to stand, or numb to the world. It’s hurting you.
> 
> You need to find people. Anyone you can get. 
> 
> They can help you.
> 
> Like Dani helps Illyana. 
> 
> Dani isn’t entirely fictional, their are people just as supportive and sweet as her in real life.
> 
> Find your Dani. 
> 
> And with that, I leave you guys.
> 
> I love y’all so much!
> 
> ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


End file.
